Three days ago I woke up at 2:30 AM with a profound and suffocating sadness having had a dream about David. I was reliving the morning twenty years ago when I got up at 2:30 AM to cook breakfast omelettes for all the scouts in our troop and their leaders. I think of David every day of my life but I don't often dream about him. After I woke, I was unable to overcome the sadness and lay in bed until morning thinking about that day.
After he and the other boys had left that morning, I went up to his bedroom and just sat on his bed. I received a small prompting that maybe this wasn't such a good idea and that I may never see David again, but I brushed it off thinking that this was the first Scout campout in five years that I wouldn't be going with him. If I could change one thing in my life, it would be to act on that prompting and bring the boys back home.
I didn't of course, and three days later a policeman would knock on our door and tell Janene that he had died and was never coming home again. Our Dave died alone, without us, twenty years ago today.
He is such a happy young man and the contrast of him being gone left me feeling sorrow and despair all morning after I awoke. I was still much affected at work. I have adapted a computer program at work to display key scriptures and quotes from church and other religious leaders every time I open the program. These messages are displayed literally dozens of times each day.
One of those messages explained how deeply our Father in Heaven loves us, and I was overwhelmed by the love that our Father in Heaven must have for me, and for all of us. He knew what was ahead for His Only Begotten, yet He sent him to this world to atone for our sins, to suffer and die at the hands of wicked and hateful men, and ultimately be crucified by them. He sent His Son anyway because of the love He has for us. He knew there was no other way for us to be able to be with Him again.
I am so grateful for a loving Father who allowed His Only Begotten Son to go through this for me. I am just as grateful for His Son, Jesus Christ. He loves me - and you, just as much as the Father. He trusted in His Father's plan and was courageous and valiant in working out this plan and our salvation. This great gift allows us to be reunited with those we love who have gone on from this life. I am so grateful to understand this plan of salvation and to know that I will be able to be with this wonderful boy again. Every time I think of him I feel a twinge of sadness. Sometimes it is worse than at other times, but I always remember with great joy that we will be reunited again because of the great sacrifice of our loving Savior.
4 comments:
It hurts so much to think of the time just before he left- our last moments with him when we didn't know we wouldn't see him alive again in this life. I'm often amazed that such pain can be dulled after years. I try not to think of how things would be if he were here, but I sure wish he were! Now that I have children of my own, I can hardly breathe looking at those beautiful blue eyes in the first photo; knowing now how those little hands were your reason for everything. I try not to imagine being parted from them. It hurts enough just to see them grow.
I too know Christ is our Savior. I am amazed at the power of his mission and his ability to fulfill it. I feel his power lift me every day. I love you- what an amazing example and provider. Thank you for all you have done and continue to do.
Thinking of David and your family today, I can't believe it's been twenty years!
That was a very life changing experience for me, but also one filled with much peace. I had always believed in life after death, but as I walked away from the cemetery I was filled with comfort because I not only believed, but knew I would see him again. I think of him often and can't help but wonder what his life would be like now had he lived. We had so many happy memories together growing up. From playing at "the spring", walking home from Valley View, and all of the fun adventures during Easter vacation. Seeing the video from Brooke today made them seem like such recent memories.
I remember shortly after his death Janene invited some of his friends down to his grave where she read from a journal of his she had found. I don't recall everything that she read, but I do remember that he used the phrase "Life Rocks" over and over. This to me sums up so much of David. So happy, so full of life. He was so talented and giving, right up until the very end. He's doing a great work on the other side, of that I'm sure!
~Michelle
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